After a few relationships over a period of more than a few years, there are few excuses left for failing at both.
After a few career changes and more than a few reasons for those changes, there remain few excuses for failing at both.
And if the truth be told, and if we are honest with ourselves, most of us have failed at one or the other or both at some point in time. (Maybe more than once.)
So what does it take to succeed?
In relationships as well as at a career, the answer is the same. It takes negotiation skills. It takes knowing when to press and when to back off. It’s knowing what to concede in order to gain an advantage for what you really want, and when to concede in order to make the other party feel that they have won; giving you the timing and edge to get what you want.
It takes saying… “YES, DEAR”.
“Yes, Dear” are two very powerful words when put together, but even more powerful as a philosophy, as a concept and as a tool to use when you find yourself being confronted by a person or situation where you feel you are not making headway in the process; not winning.
Does it matter who is right in the discussion/argument with your significant other or close friend or stranger you have just met? Is proving your point so important that you can’t back down? Try this… “Yes, Dear”. Then go about doing what you wanted to do anyway, or believing what you choose to believe anyway. Win the day by backing off and knowing that it may be the only way to beat the other person. If that other person even suspects that you have used this phrase against them to get out from under the disagreement, it might upset them, but do you really care? If they get upset it’s only because they have no comeback for this, and maybe because they didn’t use it on you first.
What about a professional situation? You can’t really say “Yes, Dear” to a colleague or boss, especially if you both share the same gender and most especially if you are both men. So, use this… “Of course, you are right”. Then walk away. It’s the same thing under a different umbrella. It concedes but on your terms. It’s your ticket to ride. It’s your way of saying, “If I can’t win, then I don’t want to play.”
And you’re probably saying, “How can that work in a negotiating situation when ‘Yes, Dear’ is just another way of saying ‘You win. I lose’”?
Every negotiation is an exercise in winning a little and losing a little. In a successful negotiation winning a lot a and giving up a little is the ideal goal. So, it’s not about saying “you win; I lose”. It’s about saying in order for me to win I have to be prepared to let you win something also.
The art of negotiating (and believe it; negotiating is an art form), is a delicate balance of several considerations including knowing the rules of the game, your opponents, your strengths, evaluating the other’s weaknesses, timing, methodology approach and much more. It’s about taking control, staying in control and giving up control… all in moderation and all as strategies for winning.
So you might be thinking… “So, if it’s this complex, this sophisticated, how do I learn this art? Because I am not aware of any schools that offer this type of training.”
Get in touch with me and ask me to teach it to you. I can do this. We can do this.
And try to remember this…
“Yes, Dear” is like a delicious desert after a meal that was hard to swallow. There’s some satisfaction after all.
Sam Green, Career Coach